#&%! Cancer
By Deborah Mazoudier, Founder & Principal Tender Specialist
On 15 September 2021 I was diagnosed with Mantel Cell Lymphoma. I don’t ever do things by halves - it’s a rare one and one that comes with a less an encouraging prognosis. I started intensive chemo- and immunotherapy treatment on 22 September 2021. And On 22 February 2022 I came out of hospital after a bone marrow transplant in full remission. It was the hardest and most traumatic 6 months of my life.
The question I most get asked (mainly by nosey strangers who see me without hair) is what I learnt about myself. The answer is - nothing. Nothing I didn’t already know.
For the last 22 years I have chosen a profession that requires so many attributes for success. And the attributes that I have applied to win tenders, are honestly the ones that I had to draw on most profoundly to #&%! Cancer and save my life.
I already knew I was determined. You have to be in tendering. Determined to win. Determined to produce the best quality submission possible under often trying, exhausting and down right difficult circumstances.
I already knew I was resilient. You have to be in tendering. Resilient to work in a career where deadlines never end. Resilient to try one more time to convince the powers that be of the right direction to take to win. Resilient to herd the cats that do not want to be herded. Resilient to advocate for innovation and change in many industries reluctant to embrace it.
I already knew I was a fighter. You have to be in tendering. You either win or you lose. And I had no choice but to win this time. There is still no such thing as a close second.
And I already knew I was terrible at accepting help. The biggest downfall in tendering. Thinking you can do it all yourself. Hiding the fact you are struggling. Not turning to those around you who stand ready to support you however they can. I turned to them all this time.
My journey isn’t over. Cancer leaves something indelible - inexplicable. But it has also left me with a reinforced sense of self. I know who I am. I know who I wish to continue to be. And I know that I will never stop trying to win whatever the challenge.